Just how boring can watching sex be?

Very.

If you've had the misfortune to see Last Tango in Paris, then you'll know what you're in store for with this film. Depressing, sordid, 'realism'.

I've never known anyone in my whole life who's come even remotely close to the kind of miserable, grinding sex these two people act out every Wednesday. I suppose it's an exposé of modern life, something about people trying to escape from the hum-drum nature of the city. Or marriage. Or who cares? Not me, for one.

The action centres around the relationship between aforementioned man and woman, played by Fox and Rylance, who silently meet in a grim house for dull sex every Wednesday. The 'story' then unfolds as he tries to find out who she is. They never talk, you see - that's the gritty, earthy realism.

It's not the worst film I've ever seen, and there are some nice parts. It's the sort of thing you've seen before, in many, many French films. It is in fact essentially a French film (directed by Chereau, the cinematographer and others are French), even though it is set in London, and played and written by Brits (it's based on a novel of the same name by Hanif Kureishi). It has the same dark, urban feel. The sex is uncompromising and graphic. The story deals with an interesting premise.

But it's dull. God, it's dull. People moping around. It's summer for God's sake. Why can't we all be happy?

But for those of you who just want to see hard, explicit sex. Well, it should keep you happy.